Couples therapy

Sometimes we get stuck in certain patterns in a relationship. Couples counseling aims to highlight what causes this and look at ways to move forward. Sometimes the reasons why we are stuck are because of lack of trust, frequent arguments, poor communication, problems sorting out conflicts that arises, problems reconnecting or establishing intimacy between the two of you.

In a couples counseling session we look at the problems at hand and then try to map out certain patterns that you end up in. We then work with how to change these patterns. This typically involves facing certain emotions and working on reestablishing a safe and loving environment as well as working on improving communication between the parties.

Focus on emotions

I work with Emotionally focused therapy and Compassion focused therapy. I'm also inspired by the work from the Gottman Institute and Esther Perel.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) was developed by the Canadian psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson. It is a humanistic, evidence-based approach to psychotherapy, drawing primarily from attachment theory to facilitate the creation of secure, vibrant connection with self and others. Rooted in the science of emotions and attachment, EFT helps clients identify and transform the negative processing and interaction patterns that create distress.

Phased approach

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The Couple's therapy is divided into different stages:

STAGE 1: ASSESSMENT AND CYCLE DE-ESCALATION

Identify primary issues of concern. Set goals. Then, assess your relationship history.

STAGE 2: FORMULATION

Identify negative patterns in your interactions. Work with your therapist to trace past patterns and relational learning. Recognize previously unacknowledged attachment-related emotions. Identify the feelings “underneath” your behavioral patterns and discuss this “underneath” with your partner.

STAGE 3: CHANGING INTERACTIONAL POSITIONS AND CREATING NEW BONDING EVENTS

Partners voice their attachment needs and define whatever emotions have been previously disowned.

Listen and accept. While each partner responds with compassion to the other partner’s expressed needs and emotions, sometimes those needs and emotions take you by surprise and require processing. Your therapist coaches you on how you’re expressing your attachment needs, your fears, and your new interactional goals. In addition, couples work more deeply with listening and acceptance. As a result, they work more purposefully towards the goal of “being there” for each other.

STAGE 4: CONSOLIDATION/ INTEGRATION

Work on ways to apply your new communication styles and techniques while discussing old problems to create new solutions. This includes time outside of the therapy session environment. Then, it’s time to re-visit issues that have been put on hold. Consolidate. Blend all your developing skills with the awareness of new closeness and deeper bonds. Begin to work together on future plans. Also, don’t forget to celebrate your efforts. Create rituals too. In addition, be sure to set up safeguards to address concerns as they arise.